Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
