And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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