i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
