I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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