every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
