we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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