i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
