he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
