After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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