i think i have herpe
just one?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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