I am in a vortex of obligation.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
