Porn is love you can see.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
