My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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