i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
