I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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