I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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