Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
