I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
