So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
