OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
