my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
