She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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