That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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