I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
