About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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