I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
