Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
