I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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