FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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