girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
