Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
