you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
