Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
