Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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