U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
