Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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