I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
