I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
