I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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