the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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