I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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