Can Purell be used as lube?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
