and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
