remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
