i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
