So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
