why do cheetos always look like penises
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
