I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
