So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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