a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
