So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
