You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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